Something so Different EDITED!
by lovely-witch47
Summary: Tomoe and Kaoru fans debating about. Who is better for Kenshin? I committed several grammatical and other mistakes so I had them checked. Chapter 2 up with replies to your lovely reviews! Please Review. Especially those who read the original.
1. Default Chapter

This is really tiring. But I want all RK freaks to read this. Well......... what is this? It's just the Kaoru vs. Tomoe issue on my opinion. Although I am more for Kaoru, Tomoe fans should not be afraid of reading this fic. All I laid in is facts and I would really appreciate reviews - even flames - and please bear with me... It's kinda long but with great sense.  
  
Now I have come to terms with my Kenshin OAVs and series. I really don't know how to explain it, Rurouni Kenshin always did strike me as a very moving saga - deeply affecting those that it has touched. The character I can relate to much with is Kaoru. I don't think this makes me less understanding of Tomoe in anyway.  
  
I would admit that I would go to extremes of posting my writings of Rurouni Kenshin on fanfic sites. I think I would entitle it -  
  
- A Prologue to Rurouni Kenshin -  
  
Now that I remember, I can understand that commentator who calmed Tomoe and Kaoru fans who kept debating on the net about who was better for Kenshin or whom he loved better. That person said that they shouldn't be debating at all - first, because Kaoru and Tomoe both loved Kenshin; Kenshin loved Tomoe in the past and he valued Kaoru in a different timeline ( notice the word valued )  
  
Readers would have a hard time discerning what I believe in based on what I've written before and what I am saying now. I would say that this sums up all that I think Rurouni Kenshin - as far as the love triangle is concerned - is all about.  
  
I think I get her point regarding maintaining the peace among all of us Rurouni Kenshin freaks! (are you?)  
  
Then again, as an individual, everybody wants a resolution - a truth to believe in.  
  
It was never the question of who is good for Kenshin for both women are deserving and both are good and bad for Kenshin in a lot of ways. And you wouldn't know good if you haven't tasted bad, believe me!  
  
Tomoe may not have lived with him out of love at first, but like Kenshin, she was a victim of circumstances. and she did love him! Enough, and more than enough -- to die for him and die at his hands.  
  
Kaoru may have had a different philosophy on this issue but it doesn't mean he loves Kenshin any less.  
  
She would not die for him if she knew that it would burden Kenshin later on. She would not let herself be one of the reasons for his atonement, one of the guilts he carries on his shoulders. She knows Kenshin does that without need for a reason.  
  
Even so, in the manga, Kaoru did - unthinkingly, covered for Kenshin when he was about to get shot. And she has proven several times in the series that she would cover any blows for him. For several times, she has acted out of her heart's instinct telling her to save him regardless of the cost which could have been her life. And I believe that had it cost her life, she would never have regretted it and will in her dying breath whisper for Kenshin to go on and forget about it. Forget about her. If it would pain him, Forget her, though she wants to be remembered.  
  
To be honest, she - Kaoru, has always competed for Kenshin's affections - which was buried with Tomoe. Whatever Kenshin felt for her - it was never as deep as the love he had for his first wife.  
  
I don't think a debate is necessary here.  
  
I would profess to be a Kaoru fan but those girls out there for her would brand me as a coward. Which Kaoru never was. And they would be screaming bloody murder that i wrote this stuff.  
  
Kaoru was strong enough to admit that she can never live up to Tomoe. She was a woman. Kaoru was a child - she was one with Kenshin. They found that in each other. Tomoe saw that in Kenshin and loved him for it. Still, Tomoe treated him like a man and Kenshin could not love her more.  
  
It is only now that I had the courage to admit what Kaoru had known for a long time - I would understand why she ran away the first time she heard about Tomoe - which he called 'my wife'.  
  
Kaoru knew that Kenshin cannot give himself wholeheartedly - that he can only rest when, all comes to an end, or when he does. It was difficult for him to share a piece of himself in fear that by doing so he would be dishonoring Tomoe's memory. That was why he was so hard to reach even though he was so near. He cannot even give a pure smile even if he says that he is very happy to be with Kaoru. A big part of him died when he accidentally slashed Tomoe to death.  
  
Kaoru knew that she can never revive that part of Kenshin. It was for Tomoe and Tomoe alone. She had carried the key to that part of his heart when she died. ( Have you read "THE WAY"? Pardon me, the writer of that fic is exceptional and if a resemblance between this comment to that fic is reached, I do footnote with all integrity. Doumo!)  
  
I cannot blame Kenshin for not loving Kaoru as much. Kaoru said that it was enough for her and Kenshin believed her. Sometimes, when Kenshin feels so much for Kaoru - - I am bound to think that it is out of guilt, for not being able to return what she gives so freely, what she gives for free.  
  
Even when he was a husband to Kaoru, the better part of him was living for his promise to Tomoe. And most of the time, he was afar, away. It seemed that he was the one who built the gap between himself and Kenji (his son). I could almost understand Kenji's resentment of him. But Kenshin is Kenshin. And he does not deserve to be shun off his son's life. His "indifference" towards Kenji will forever be a puzzle to me. Kenshin has always been good with kids, right? Or perhaps it's not indifference - it was fear. Fear. Right. Never indifference. It seemed that the days he lived with Tomoe were longer than the years he spent with Kaoru. For a while here I wish, Hiko was there in the battle with the Yaminobu clan. Would it have been better if Tomoe didn't die - Hiko would have been more than enough to save his baka-deshi and his wife.  
  
When it gets as truthful and as painful as this - I wish Kaoru never met Kenshin.  
  
But she did. And the loveliest thing about Kaoru was not her beauty, nor her strength as a master of the Kamiya Kasshin School - but her smile. And though she didn't have the grace and bearing of a woman like Tomoe - Kaoru was not a bad competition either. To clarify, not that there was a need for competition.  
  
The loveliest thing about Kaoru is her ability to accept hard facts and smile through it. Even Megumi cannot hold a candle to that. Megumi considered that, that the very reason why Kenshin chose Kaoru over anybody else -- like.... okay.... over her!  
  
It was never the question of love, was it? Almost apparently, everyone knows to whose loyalty Kenshin's heart belongs to. It was known to those who love Kenshin whom he loved and loves most. It was not among them. Sano, Yahiko, Megumi, Misao - Kaoru - they knew. It was not among them and they all know it. They knew. It was his past. It was in his past. She was in his past. Kenshin loved Tomoe.  
  
They say that it's easier to win against a living person than with a memory. Now, how much harder would it be to be victorious against a beloved and protected memory? A person whom Kenshin loved to the point of adoration. How would Kaoru be able to surpass that? (It was not mediocrity that Kaoru accepted being second best. It was reality.)  
  
She cannot. She never intended to surpass Tomoe and she has accepted her defeat honorably. Why do you think she had to beg Tomoe in her grave to leave Kenshin to her even if she knows it's no use? That Tomoe can't hear her? That it was Kenshin who would not entrust himself freely to her? Kaoru knows that. And she understands. It is not a crime for Kaoru to hope. And she can smile that smile Kenshin wants to see in her face because of that hope. And she smiles above the hopelessness of it all. There are moments when she tells herself, when they are apart (which is almost always the case) "he always comes back home". And Kenshin did admit that home was with her. Kenshin needed her. Flimsy, Flimsy, but fine. Kenshin and Kaoru have shared so much. They have lived through so many battles longer than Kenshin did with his scars. I don't know what to say to erase the pain of admitting that the woman who had won Kenshin is still YUKISHIRO TOMOE... HIMURA TOMOE. Maybe, there's nothing to say at all.  
  
Just that Kaoru loved Kenshin. And in his own special way, HE LOVED HER BACK. As KAMIYA KAORU... As HIMURA KAORU. Nobody ever felt and realized how selfless that love was that Kaoru offered to him without asking for anything back. Not even Kenji knew how deep and pure Kaoru's love is. Not even Kenji could understand how and why Kaoru, his mother, would love someone like Kenshin, (his father) who has nothing to offer - not himself, not even his love. I think Kenshin has an inkling of the generosity of Kaoru's love; thus his guilt about not being able to return as much. I dare say that I could not fathom Kaoru's love either. And I can only hope Tomoe fans out there would realize the greatness of it too.  
  
Kaoru was not set out to destroy Tomoe's memory. She suffered so that Kenshin would live and die in peace for that smiling vision of Tomoe. Kaoru helped Kenshin live so he can fulfill his promise of atonement. HIS PROMISE TO TOMOE. It is not only Tomoe who loved Kenshin. Kaoru did too. And she was a better woman for it!  
  
Thank goodness Misao has no competition. :)  
  
What would you think if I create something about Sayo vs. Megumi for Sanosuke based on the above premises? (WICKED???) be warned: i guess i'll be all for Megumi-chan... (joke...i'm not all that sure yet...i have the prerogative to change my mind...hehe)  
  
I'll be waiting for your reviews......... Feel free to e-mail me!  
  
Sorry for some grammar errors.... I couldn't read my rough draft clearly. heheheh.  
  
Thanks cousin!!!!!! 


	2. The Kenshin Monologue

I was thinking of writing you all personally and thanking you to no ends until the idea of answering you as "the second chapter" suited me perfectly.  
  
There was not supposed to be a second chapter. You all have yourselves to blame.  
  
And I may still go as far as emailing you for the lovely reviews. (That is, if you have not tired of me yet).  
  
I get the weird feeling that I will be hated after this second chapter but I'll risk it. Please be kind. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu to doumo arigatou minna-san!  
  
Chapter 2 THE KENSHIN MONOLOGUE  
  
The Perspective Battlefield  
  
It has really been a while since my mind started functioning again for this anime. It seemed to me as if i have woken up from a deep slumber. Your reviews have revived me. (Be very afraid.)  
  
I have written the piece you read and reviewed some time ago. Funny, while I was reading your comments last time, I doubted for a while if you were voicing your opinions about my piece or simply expressing your points to one another (it can't be helped really). You made my review page look like a debate site (not that I'm complaining), I suddenly feared if it was peace I promoted for TOMOE/KAORU fans or if I accidentally muddled the deep waters of our parted and silent but shaky existence. Have I defeated the purpose of my so called-resolution?  
  
I am nearly regretting my effort to arrive at one. The fic I made was mainly directed for myself--to always remind me how painful a thing you might dangerously come to believe as "love" can be.  
  
Being a Kaoru-enthusiast myself (some of you would want to prove the veracity of this), you must know how agonizing it was for me to have admitted something like that -- and post it online too, for afficionados of both sides to read!  
  
Fact is, I kind of expected Tomoe partisans to be a little supportive and sympathetic. But I would like to make it clear to champions of both sides taht I - DO NOT APPEAL FOR PITY FROM THE TOMOE faction. I, a KAORU FAN, simply expressed my heartfelt and most objective view of the ken-kao relationship.  
  
For Kaoru backers out there, I have nothing except my declaration to prove how genuine a Kaoru-supporter I am. I will be very hurt should you question my loyalty.  
  
Then again, I have resigned myself to the possibility that Kaoru fans would not be so receptive of my views. I had difficulty accepting them too before but since I felt kaoru did, I must take it too.  
  
Guys, I have been to Rurouni Kenshin and back. I finished the series, watched the OAVS, borrowed the manga, surveyed the translations, memorized heartfelt lines and went as far as learning and reading japanese for this anime. I can even sing the soundtrack well! NO, all these don't make me an expert nor an authority on the subject. But if you knew how much I felt for Kaoru (enough to draft a letter to Watsuki-sensei, the author himself, to thank him for making Kaoru live) you'll never for a single second doubt taht if there would be one, just one person left in this world who would want to romanticize the Kenshin-Kaoru pairing to perfection, that person WOULD BE ME.  
  
Yes, I nearly sent my letter to Watsuki-san, to thank him for making Kaoru live. Did you know that he had so many detractors for that single decision? Did you know that he actually caught a fever worrying whether Kaoru should live or not?  
  
Did you also know that Watsuki-sensei is a Tomoe-fan? (How do you think I felt about that?) Tomoe is his cool beauty. He arduously witnessed the OAV filming only to make certain that they did not show Tomoe's ears!  
  
Yes, I went through author interviews as well.  
  
I am saying here that I only tried to be objective in my writing. Forgive me if I am TOO PRIDED TO CONSIDER EVEN FOR A SECOND THAT I AM COMPLETELY MISTAKEN, much less, misled.  
  
My declarations about the HIMURA-KAMIYA relationship does not mean that I completely agree with Tomoe enthusiasts.  
  
I have only one thing to say to that. Tomoe-san is very fortunate to be loved by Kenshin the way a woman would want to be loved by a special man.  
  
It is not that Kenshin did not love Kaoru. He valued Kaoru more than enough to forget his promise to Tomoe -- to never take a life away again. Remember that battle with Jin'eh? when he said he is prepared to become an assassin again for her? Thing is, KAORU WOULD NOT LET HIM.  
  
There are degrees of love. I am saying Kenshin loved Tomoe differently the way he did Kaoru.  
  
Can you honestly say that Kaoru would not want to be loved by Kenshin the way he treasured Tomoe?  
  
I turn the tables now, Tomoe-fans.  
  
Would you not, as Kaoru have and did, want to share Kenshin's pain and life, accept him for all he stands for, be a mother to his child and meet him under different circumstances?  
  
NO? If you can readily say that, I admire you. But forgive me if I say I think you're lying.  
  
You may believe the only woman Kenshin treated like a wife was Tomoe. You may believe that he never saw Kaoru as an equal. You cannot be more mistaken. I will not rationalize this anymore. I have had enough of rationalization all the time I patiently surveyed this anime. A fat lot of good it did me.  
  
This is what I want to share with Kaoru fans. We tend to rationalize all the time. We can't just be contented that Kenshin did this and looked at Kaoru like that. Do we always have to go as far as " hey, he said this too and this look, this is what he actually meant". Do you know how pathetic that sounds? I mean, come on. WE don't really have to do that. I doubt if Kaoru thought as far ahead and profoundly as we did for her and Kenshin.  
  
Kaoru was just loving Kenshin. She wasn't even thinking. We don't have to do the rationalization for her. In the first place, Kaoru did not asked to be loved back. Kaoru did not fool herself into believing that Kenshin would come to love her even if she had all the reasons and situations in the world to back her up. But Kenshin did, right? He valued her.  
  
That very truth is too much to take for a Tomoe-fan. They may say that Kaoru's truth is a far cry from reality and IT MAY WELL BE TRUE -- but still, they can't take that away from her, from the people around Kaoru and Kenshin who believed in their 'UNION' - from Sano, Megumi, Misao, Yahiko...from us. Plus the fact that Kenshin does act weird around Kaoru when the world is round.  
  
IF YOU PLEASE, enlighten me on the FATHERLY AFFECTION. Is this a major agreement among Tomoe-fans? that what KENSHIN FELT FOR KAORU WAS ONLY PATERNAL LOVE? Again, I would not rationalize, but I would not mind if you do. At least, not on this issue. This is news to me. I missed out on this one on slumber vacation.  
  
I just have one anime to quote for clarification. I hope you are familiar with CCS (no, not clow card sakura!) card captor!  
  
Anyway...  
  
In one of the scenes here, Yukito-chan, a 17 year old and the apple of Sakura-chan's eyes, told the 10 year old girl: "Think. Feel. Search your heart. What you feel for me is exactly similar to the love you have for your father."  
  
She unquestioningly accepted his words and silently nodded to his towering form, head bowed until he has left. She cried to herself once he was out of sight: "I may be young and you must think that I hardly recognize my feelings yet, but I know that my affection for you is different from the love I have for my Papa. I know in my heart it is not the same."  
  
Please don't flame me for this commercial. My point is: If a ten year old can discern between parental lover (paternal to be exact) and affectionate-sweetheart type of love, can we not expect a man of Kenshin's age to be a little more knowledgeable of his feelings? All I ask is that you give Kenshin a bit more credit...  
  
SPECIAL NOTES FOR REVIEWERS:  
  
Quiz Champion:  
  
I hope you passed your Bio. Go girl! I wouldn't feel happy about you flunking it. (i think you can't fail it even if you try...:)  
  
For YOu Fanfic expert:  
  
I don't want to post this reply until i have read all the fics that you recommended but...that may take quite some time and I really want to thank you for your fine writing (i know your fics can't disappoint me). Please bear with me again. My RK scars are still raw. I don't think I can read anything 'serious' about RK right now. The reviews are the first one in years. I guess posting my critique was worse for myself than for those who have read it. I was trying to forget. I thought I have forgot about RK already. I plead deliberate amnesia after accepting that he loved Tomoe so much and gave Kaoru so much pain. I'll let you know when I'm ready to open up to the RK world again.  
  
Megumi-fan:  
  
I may back you up on that growing faction...Aoshi - Megumi, huh? cool! Just as long as we don't involve Kenshin, Kaoru and Tomoe, okay? (joudan! :)  
  
Obviously, flaws and all, this may not be the best fic on the triangle issue but I will be lying if I don't say how glad I am that you think it's that. Now, maybe not anymore..  
  
---No more writings from me.  
  
CLARIFICATIONS ONLY LEAD TO INCONSISTENCIES. I HOPE MY ATTEMPT TO ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS ON YOUR REVIEWS DID NOT MAKE ME DIGRESS 360 DEGREES FROM WHERE I STARTED.  
  
Minna-san,  
  
Your reviews are so lovely I wouldn't know how to handle flares. Taihen osewa ni narimashita. Mata, doumo arigatou gozaimashita!  
  
love,  
  
lovely-witch 


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